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You
live more than an hour or two away from your parents. You don't see
them every day. If something were to happen, you couldn't get
there right away.
You're a long-distance caregiver (or someday you will be).
When you're a long distance caregiver, as much as you'd like to you
can't be there all the time. You need an eldercare team
you can trust to be your eyes, ears, and hands. What this means is that you would be smart to start thinking about
scouting and recruiting your own long distance caregiver team now.
If you're lucky enough to have the luxury of time, you can take some
steps to analyze your parents' needs and put your eldercare team on
stand-by reserve in a deliberate fashion. If an emergency is
staring you in the face, then you'll have to "punt" by
pulling together what you can as quickly as you can, and then
re-evaluate and re-position later.
I don't need to tell you that you reduce your options by waiting until
after an emergency. Your eldercare team could be a Super
Bowl/World Series winner, or - if you wait too long - it could
be a minor league dropout.
So, how do you go about putting together an award-winning eldercare
team?
Information, information, and information, in that order, is the best
way to begin.
Read as much as you can on this website. Educate yourself on how to make a clear-eyed assessment, where to start looking
for resources, how Medicare and
Medicaid work.
Explore the site, download the tools, subscribe to the newsletter, and
take notes.
Find out as much as you can about your parents. Not just their
needs as you see it, but what they would want, and what they have
already decided.
Let it be said right now, though, that whatever you read or hear about
talking to aging parents will probably be a bit idealistic.
"The Talk" rarely goes as smoothly as we want, and we rarely
get all the information we need. So don't feel guilty that
you're not as successful as you think you should be. We hardly
ever are.
So, in crisis mode or in planning mode, you've gathered all the
information you can, you have some idea of where your parents stand
and what they might need. You even have some idea of what could
be coming at you down the road.
Now it's time to start putting together your team.
So, what positions do you need to fill?
Player #1: Your local eyes and ears person. Someone
you can trust to keep a key, check in now and then, and call you right
away if there's a concern.
If you're in luck, your parents already have one or more friends who
fill this position. Find out who they are. Put all their
telephone numbers and addresses in your notebook. Send them chocolate
for the holidays.
Player #2: Someone who is ready to come into the home and
provide housekeeping, personal care, meals, transportation, and any
other non- medical help your parents might need.
Even if you don't think they need this kind of help now, a good eldercare team plan
has one or two homecare agencies in reserve. In an emergency,
you'll already have telephone numbers, information about what local
agencies can and can't do, and costs.
Call them now and find out how responsive they are. Make notes
about the good, the bad, and the indifferent. This information
can be solid gold in a crunch.
Player #3: The doctor(s). Know who they are and
what body part they specialize in. Have telephone, fax, email,
and any other contact numbers readily available in your team book.
If at all possible, meet at least the primary care physician and
establish a relationship. The doctor will be your key team
member in the event of a medical problem. Know him or her now
and you won't have the potential communication problems you could
have if he or she has never heard of you.
If you want the doctor to play on your team, he'll have to have a
signed
medical release of information or power of attorney form on
file. If you don't have these, the doctor is forbidden by law
from giving you anyone's private health information.
Player #4: This leads us right to the attorney.
The attorney is a vital part of the team because there are legal
hurdles to be jumped in elder care. The attorney can help you
and your parents get your legal house in order so you, and they, can
do whatever needs to be done in the future.
Ignore this team member at your peril. Wait too long, and it
will be too late.
You'll revisit this team member every few years to make sure that
documents still conform to the legal rules (they're always changing)
and that nothing new needs to be added.
The attorney will always be waiting on the bench to pinch hit if
needed.
Player #5: The CFP (certified financial
planner), CPA,
trust officer, or other financial advisor. Let's face it:
eldercare is expensive. You have to know what resources you have
to work with before you can put your playbook together.
If there is no financial advisor, should there be? Unless you
know that your parents have few or no assets, and you're not planning
on using your own money, there probably should be.
If you do plan to use some of your own funds, then you probably
urgently need the advice of a financial professional.
Player #6:
Facilities. These are more things than
people, but you need to know what's available locally just in case.
So, check out two or more
assisted living and
nursing facilities.
Know where they are, what they're licensed to do, what they cost, what
special extras (like day care and respite care) they might offer, and
what hoops you might have to jump through to get in.
For instance, many assisted living residences require that a
prospective resident have a current TB test. Better to know
ahead of time.
Player #7: You.
As "owner" of the team you don't have to be on the field for
team members to do what they do best. If you have a great team, you
can relax just a little.
Without a great team, you'll have to pitch, bat and field on your own
- at the same time you're trying to collect tickets, sell peanuts and
park cars.
You'll lose the game.
Have a look
through the other resources listed above and to the left. Be
sure you know
What You Absolutely,
Positively Need To Know so you're ready, whatever ball
life throws your way.
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