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Susan W.
and her family live in the Chicago area. Her widowed mother,
Alice, lived alone in another state. Susan and her mother
spoke on the telephone at least weekly, and Susan visited Alice
for a few days at least twice a year.
Alice's
telephone calls to her daughter always included a detailed
report about her active life. She often joked to Susan that she
could never manage without the large daily planning calendar she
received for Christmas every year.
Recently,
however, Alice's calls began to sound disturbingly similar.
Alice told Susan about her week, but she was reluctant to give
details. Instead, she tried to change the subject, or became
annoyed if Susan asked things like, "Who else was
there?" or "What did you have for dinner?"
Susan
realized that what she was hearing was an exact duplicate of
what she had heard the week before… and probably the week
before that. Somehow, her mother's voice sounded different, too.
Within 24 hours she was on a plane.
Susan was
shocked when she arrived without notice. Her always impeccably
dressed mother was disheveled, and obviously had not bathed
recently. Her house was in disarray. Although the freezer held a
good supply of food, there was nothing fresh to eat, and it
appeared that Alice was living primarily on peanut butter. Next
to the telephone Susan found the telephone "script",
which had begun to sound so familiar. The once-so-important
calendar was nowhere to be found.
Susan
immediately cancelled her return trip. She spent the following
week making panicked arrangements for help. Today Susan says,
"If I hadn't suddenly realized that my mother was using the
same words to talk about the same things, time after time, I
would have thought everything was just fine. It's so sad.
She was using such a tremendous amount of energy trying to cover
up, and I think she was really so scared…"
Sometimes
the signs that an older person may be in need of help are
subtle. Sometimes the warning signs are clear and obvious. Use
your own good judgment. If you see (or hear) any of the
following clues, be ready to take action:
- Confusion:
Puts things in inappropriate places (teeth in the
microwave, shampoo in the desk). Asks the same
questions over and over. Mixes up day and night.
Gets lost on familiar territory.
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- Personal
Care: Wears dirty, mismatched, or seasonally
inappropriate clothing (winter coat in
mid-summer). Hair and skin are unkempt. Body odor.
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- Nutrition:
Shows signs of marked weight gain or loss. Spoiled
or obviously old food in the refrigerator. Meals
uneaten and food left out. Evidence of dangerous
kitchen mishaps (burned countertops, etc.).
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- Accidents:
Bruises or other marks, particularly on arms and
legs, may be signs of falls. Unexplained dents and
dings on the car or sides of the garage.
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- Home
management: Neglects regular housework and
maintenance, inside and out. Keeps temperature
clearly too hot or too cold. Accumulates trash and
garbage. Signs of bugs or other pests.
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- Finances:
Has piles of unopened mail. Bills are past due.
Appears to be on mailing lists for numerous
sweepstakes. Has not maintained, or can't find,
the checkbook.
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Communication:
Conversations are vague or rambling, often
repetitive. Telephone calls come at odd hours, too
frequently, or not as often. Handwriting is
getting worse.
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