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Back when my kids were little,
eons ago, we had a playmate at our house one day
while his mother ran some personal errands. For
lunch I served PB & J carefully cut in triangles
(this was way before peanut butter was poison).
Well, little Johnny had a meltdown. Wails of
despair, fetal position in the corner, the whole
enchilada. I had no idea what was wrong, but it
obviously had something to do with lunch.
Fast forward to Mamma's return. Turns out she
always cut little Johnny's sandwiches into
square quarters, not triangles. Little Johnny
was not impressed by triangles. He got over it,
and although he and my son were best friends for
years, he was a little suspicious of anything
that came out of my kitchen for quite a while.
Obviously, little Johnny was a tad
hypersensitive when he was 2. He outgrew it.
Just imagine all the things a mother "just
knows" about her children. When she has to leave
them with someone else, there's an encyclopedia
of things the temporary caregiver doesn't know.
While not life threatening, it can certainly be
problematic when the caregiver doesn't get it
right.
Caregivers of adults just "know" an enormous
amount about their adult charges, too. If a
caregiver has to be away, how is that knowledge
going to be passed along to the temporary or
fill-in caregiver?
What would happen if you were ill or injured and
suddenly couldn't provide care? What if you need
to be away from home for a while, for whatever
reason? How would your replacement know what you
do for your loved one? Caring for an adult with
physical or cognitive disabilities is more
complicated than caring for a child who wants
his PB & J presented properly.
If you were to sit down with pencil and paper
right now, you would probably find it impossible
to write down everything you do for your loved
one during a typical day. It's fairly easy to
set out the basic schedule, but it's knowing all
the little things (like triangles!) that will
make a new caregiver's job easier.
Buy or dig out a loose leaf notebook and start
jotting things down. Leave lots of space between
entries so you can go back and make additional
notes as you go through a typical week.
Start with first thing in the morning. Does your
loved one get up on his own, or does he need to
be awakened and assisted to the bathroom? Does
he manage his own hygiene, or do you assist?
What do you do with the toothbrush and
toothpaste? Does she need help getting into a
robe, or does she get dressed on her own right
away? How much do you help, and with what? What
does she normally like to wear?
It might take you a week or two of jotting down
notes before you feel you've hit all the
important things just about getting out of bed
and to the kitchen for breakfast!
At meals, what do you do for you loved one, and
what does he do for himself? Do you use special
dishes or cutlery? Which is "her" seat? What
foods are favorites, and what foods are
"triangles?" Does he have problems with chewing
or swallowing?
How do you handle bathing, or does your elder do
this independently? Are special supplies needed,
and where are they? Should the caregiver expect
resistance?
When does your loved one take medications? Do
you have to crush, divide, or give with a
particular food? Where are the hearing aid
batteries and other necessaries?
Is there a pattern to your day? When does your
loved one like to watch TV or listen to the
radio (favorite programs or CDs?), to nap (in
the bed, in the chair, on the couch?), to take a
walk?
What is the evening/bedtime ritual? Does your
loved one wear pajamas/nightgown or not? How
many pillows, and where should they be placed?
Do you usually have a bedtime snack? What?
Just keep jotting notes as you go along, and at
the end of a week or two you will have a very
complete manual on caring for your special
loved one.
This project will never really be completed, but
you will find that it's fairly easy to go back
and make changes to what you've documented as
needs change. With a up-to-date notebook you can be
confident that someone else will be able to step
in at a moment's notice and do the things that
are important. This means that in an emergency,
or if you simply need some respite time away,
you won't have to worry about preparing your
substitute. The reference manual will already be
done, and you will be able to do what you need
to do to take care of yourself.
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