From the Mailbag: My husband's sister suffered a stroke when she was 32. Their parents have taken care of her at home, but now she is 48, they are in their 70s, and we can tell it is wearing them down. My husband says nursing homes only take older people and we will have to take her into our home and care for her until she is 65. Is this true? I work full time and have two children.

Our Answer: Excluding children, who need specialized facilities and care, most nursing homes will accept any adult patient who needs the kind of care they provide. Many have patients in their 20s who have been victims of an accident or illness that left them seriously disabled and in need of care. That said, some do only care for special kinds of patients, such as those needing hospice care, psychiatric care or ventilator care.

The larger question is whether your sister-in-law needs the higher level of care that a nursing home provides. If she would be safe in a small apartment with someone to assist her with taking her medications correctly, bathing, dressing, and other personal care needs, then she might not need a nursing home. An assisted living facility might better suit her needs.

If she cannot feed herself, is confined to bed or needs full assistance to be helped from bed to chair and back, is fully incontinent, and needs the attention of skilled medical professionals, then a nursing home would be more appropriate for her than assisted living.

You don't mention your sister-in-law's financial situation, but in these kinds of circumstances it is unlikely that she has much in income or savings. If that's the case, then her choice of care facilities will depend to a great extent on what financial assistance is available.

Most assisted living facilities do not accept Medicaid. If your sister-in-law has few resources and little income she will probably be depending on Medicaid to assist with paying for her care. If that is the case, then you will probably have to focus on establishing whether she would qualify medically for care in a nursing home.

If it hasn't been done recently, and if her parents are willing, I suggest a meeting with her doctor to get answers about the kind of care that would be best for her. If the doctor agrees that nursing home care would be suitable, then do some Internet research into the facilities near you. Visit a few that look promising, and speak frankly with them about her needs. They will be able to tell you whether they think they can meet her needs, and whether they have openings.

If your sister-in-law is still managing her own affairs you will face the need to get her agreement to such a move. It is doubtful that she will immediately agree. If her parents are If her parents are in charge but not willing to consider a move yet, even though they are wearing down (which is not at all uncommon), you will at least have done your due diligence about the options available when the inevitable crisis occurs.

So, to make a long answer short, most nursing homes DO accept patients younger than age 65, and many of these patients actually bloom and thrive when they move to a professional care environment with more stimulation and lots of activity throughout the day.

Cover photo by Ethan Prater