As I read the 12-dozenth caregiver holiday advice column about how to survive the holidays I must agree, they all have great suggestions about reducing expectations, delegating chores, and accepting that things will probably be "different" this year.

Good suggestions all, yet why don't they seem to be as helpful as we'd hoped?

I think because they all advise us on things "to do." As busy, sometimes overwhelmed people, the last thing we really want is another list of things to do. So, in the spirit of the holidays, here is our list of letting-you-off-the-hook things NOT to do this year.

Don't buy ingredients. Avoid raisins, flour, mincemeat, nuts and pumpkin like the plague. If it doesn't come ready to pop into the oven or the freezer, you don't want it. Buying all those ingredients will just make you feel even more guilty when you can't muster the motivation to make something artistic and creative with them. Need to make lasagna for the company party? Buy a frozen one, let it defrost a little, slide it into your casserole dish and schmear the sauce around a little before you bake it. It will look like you slaved for a week. Need desserts and baked goods? Make a pass by the bakery or the frozen section in your biggest supermarket.

Stop shopping. Whatever gifts you feel you must still buy, buy online. Most places will wrap and ship directly, so you won't have to find boxes or stand in line at the post office. Drop everything right now and visit Amazon or another of the large shopping sites and get 'er done. Check back here in an hour . . . you'll feel ten pounds lighter with that taken care of.

Forget the outdoor decorating. This year the weather has been too awful for anyone to be putting lights on roofs or anywhere outdoors, so you have the perfect excuse. Hurrah! Grab it! If you feel you must have something festive outside, hang a wreath on the front door. You probably already have one somewhere in the attic or in the garage.

You already know it's impossible to address and mail all of the 350 holiday cards you have waiting over there in the corner and adding to your unjustified guilt. Bundle them up, put them in a shoe box, and shove them under the bed. Maybe you'll get to them next year. Or maybe not. The people who care about you the most are the ones who already know why you aren't sending cards this year. The rest you'll catch up with when you can. A 4th of July note sounds good.

It's not too late to cancel the huge traditional holiday dinner. If you really want to host the immediate family (note: I didn't say "have to"), either host them at a nice restaurant where someone else will make sure the tablecloths are ironed and wash the dishes, or at least let your local supermarket take care of preparing the food. You really don't have to make a 26 pound turkey and six sides just because you have in the past. This is a new day. Delegate someone else to pick up the food.

My in-laws used to host a party at their local white tablecloth Chinese restaurant on Christmas day. The place was almost always nearly empty, the service was great, the food was terrific, and it was the most fun ever. I still miss it.

Don't invite Aunt Maude or Uncle Albert, or anyone else who will be critical, complaining, or intolerant of what is. If it will be impossible to make your mother happy, she won't be able to get into the bathroom, and she will want to go home 10 minutes before you serve dinner, think about having a small, personal holiday meal with her the day before or the day after instead.

Don't expect that this year will be any more heartwarming, fulfilling, joyful or merry than any other year. Norman Rockwell and Currier & Ives aren't around any more, and we have yet to meet a "functional" family. Someone will ALWAYS have their feelings hurt, someone will ALWAYS get into an argument, and someone will ALWAYS spill something on your clean carpet (all the more reason to put off having them cleaned until January). Just think of all the stories you'll have to reminisce about with your "healthy" relatives some day. In the meantime, buy a large bottle of Excedrin and keep it handy.

If you really want to just stay home with a good book and a hot toddy, you can do that, too. There is no law against skipping the "festivities" altogether if being festive is more than you can tolerate. Other people will be "Hurt," you say? Since when are everyone else's feelings more important than yours? Go for it. Blame us if you need a scapegoat!