They don't give blue ribbon awards for caregiving. Someone should. If we were in charge of coming up with the ten things that "best" elder caregivers do, these are the ones that keep rising to the top of the heap. Follow these "cream of the crop" tips and your eldercare journey will certainly be easier, even if it can never be truly easy.

•  Always have a list of your care recipient's medications and dosages, along with the primary doctor's contact information, posted somewhere clearly visible in the home. In case of an emergency you won't have to scramble to find it for emergency responders. Keep a second copy with you, either in your wallet or in your car, so you won't have to waste time going home to get it in an emergency.

•  Likewise, keep a copy of your care recipient's medical power of attorney (medical proxy), living will, do not resuscitate orders or guardianship documents with you. You might need these documents just to talk to nurses and doctors who don't know you. You will certainly need them if you face having to make very difficult decisions on behalf of your senior. This is one of those situations where, if you have the documents with you,  you might not need them. If you don't have them, you surely will need them urgently somewhere along the line.

•  Keep a hawk eye on those medications. Doctors everywhere seem to have an urgent need to add and change medications. If your elder is in the hospital, make it a point to ask for a copy of their medication list every day. Compare it to the previous day and your medication list from home. If you see changes that no one has informed you of, make it a point to ask questions right away. Often medications will be "discontinued" in advance of tests or treatments, and then not re-started. You will want to keep track of these changes.

If your elder is in a nursing facility, check the medication list weekly, or as often as you can. In addition to changes you may not have been informed about, you may catch medications that have run out and not been re-ordered.

•  The doctors, nurses and other medical professionals caring for your elder are specialized members of your care team. They are not royalty. They are not divine. If you have questions, ask. If you can't get an answer you can understand, or if you can't reach them at all, go up the administrative ladder until you reach someone who can/will/does. 

•  As a member of your care team, your elder's doctor can take a lot of pressure off you. If it's time to talk about making important changes to the care plan, the doctor should be willing to speak firmly with your elder about such things as treatment plan changes, relocating to a supervised residential setting or giving up the car keys. If your elder's doctor won't support you by "prescribing" such important things, then the doctor isn't playing on your team. Your elder may need another doctor.

•  From the neighbors to the aide to the head nurse, make sure that everyone feels like an important part of the team. Get to know them, and listen thoughtfully to what they have to say, even if you don't necessarily agree.  Everyone has a different take on the same situation, and most everyone responds positively to genuine respect for who they are and what they do. A few compliments spread around judiciously can go a long way, too.

•  Start as you plan to finish. For the sake of both you and your elder, avoid becoming more of a "caregiver" than you absolutely must. Like people of any age, our seniors will usually respond best if they are encouraged to do everything they can for themselves. If you jump to fetch every glass of water and pick up every tissue you will become a slave to your elder's expectations. You will also speed up the loss of physical balance and  muscle tone that are so important to keeping older people mobile.

•  Temper any expectations that your family members will unhesitatingly step in to help whenever and wherever they can. In many families this is unlikely at best. If you don't count on having help, you can only be very pleasantly surprised if it's forthcoming. If you are fortunate enough to have a family that pulls together for the sake of your senior, count yourself extremely lucky.

•  "Take care of yourself" may be a cliche, but it remains forever true. If you don't let others help, if you don't take time for yourself, if you fail to preserve your own physical and mental health, you won't be of any use to your senior or yourself.

•  Accept that you can't fix the ultimate problem: aging. No matter how hard we try, we can't reverse this process, and the ultimate outcome is the same for all of us. We can't remake personalities that were formed decades ago. We can't "make our elders happy." What we can do is help our elders to make the most of whatever time they have left on this earth, and help them to exit gracefully and pain-free when the time comes.