Jerrod and Morgan Williams have been at odds for several years about their mother's care. Now a decision must be made and they are no closer to agreement. Gregory Jakes' children and his doctors all agree that he must stop driving. Even though his son has twice disabled the car, Gregory has twice had it repaired and continues to drive. Both of these families were referred to mediation as a last resort before turning to the courts to resolve their conflicts.

|image2|Elder care can be difficult under the best of circumstances. Mix in old family history and sincere differences of opinion and things can easily become unmanageable. As an older woman once said to me, "This would all be so easy if it weren't for the people!"

As an alternative to either throwing up their hands and walking away or ending up in court, many families are turning to Elder Mediation as a way to find a workable resolution.

A mediator is a professional who will help families open up communication in order to find the best solution to their particular situation. The mediator is neutral - not aligned with any particular "side" - and is part of the process only as a facilitator of the discussion. The goal is to give everyone a voluntary and confidential place to be heard, to share their concerns, and to explore options.

At the end of the process all the participants sign a document summarizing their aggreement. This document is not legally binding, as it would be if issued by a court of law. Family members are always free to seek legal advice before agreeing to any compromises.

Some families say that meeting with a mediator greatly reduced their stress and helped them accomplish far more than they had hoped. Others, while not able to resolve all their differences, were able to reach interim agreements and identify milestones that would indicate the need to revisit their options.

Elder mediators can assist families with resolving differences over caregiving responsibilities, residential alternatives, financial arrangements, guardianship decisions, individual roles and responsibilities in decision-making, and end of life decisions.

Mediators will not make decisions for the family, nor are they therapists. However, many families have found that meeting with a mediator can be therapeutic because the process helps diffuse tensions while allowing everyone to express themselves honestly and focus on the ultimate best interest of their senior.

How to Find a Mediator

Like Geriatric Care Management, there are no licenses required to be a mediator. However, there are ways to find experienced mediators who are highly regarded by professionals:

Check with your local family or probate court. They often maintain a list of mediators.

Check the following professional mediation websites. These professional groups require that their members have specific training and experience:

National Association for Community Mediation 

Academy of Family Mediators

Association For Conflict Resolution