For the mostly-independent senior living on his own, friends and neighbors can

be valuable members of your care team. A neighbor may offer to pick up needed

items at the grocery store when she makes her regular run. The old friend may

offer a weekly ride to the coffee shop to meet the breakfast group. The couple

next door might be happy to keep a key and come running in an emergency.

Everyone on the block may be willing to keep an eye out and call you if things

don't look right.

Where the friends and neighbors solution can break down is when a senior's

needs are complex and will last for months or years. You will find that

neighbors begin to burn out after several months. The lady across the street may

begin "forgetting" to call when she goes to the store. The friend who picks your

father up for weekly coffee may decide that he can't hang around longer and

longer while his old friend gets ready to go.

It's a simple fact that life moves on. While your elder's need for attention

and care is increasing, your informal caregiving group is also moving on. Their

initial promises to be available are becoming a burden they begin to avoid.

It's best to rely on friends and neighbors for occasional help, rather than

ask them for a long-term commitment.

Close relatives may last longer. Sons and daughters are the most likely to be

willing to help provide care for the long term (with a low bow in the direction

of daughters-in-law). In the long run, however, most family members have jobs,

children to raise, and other important obligations. They are not likely to be

able to run to a parent's home on a moment's notice.