The question of whether to bring a nursing home resident home for a visit is

sometimes a tough one. Many caregivers would love to regularly bring their

elderly loved one home for a few hours, or even overnight. But when is it a good

idea, and when are you better off just visiting at the nursing home?

Obviously, if your loved one has needs that you can't confidently meet at

home, taking him out of the nursing home is not in his best interest. In

addition to nursing needs, this incudes incontinence care if you are not

confident and comfortable managing these needs. Many people would rather not

have a close family member providing them with this kind of intimate care.

If your elder will be exhausted to the point of illness by the effort to

leave the nursing home, then outside excursions are something you will want to

avoid. Getting dressed up, into and out of a car, into a house that may not be

easily accessible, and several hours of intensive socializing can set a frail

elderly person back for days or even weeks. If this is the case with your elder,

the joy of a family visit is offset by the serious toll it can take on your

senior's health.

If your nursing home resident will be overjoyed to come home, and devastated

when it is time to return, then you might want to re-think the idea of a home

visit. Many nursing home residents need several weeks or even months to adjust

to their new living situation. Some never adjust completely. If we raise their

hopes that they are "coming home," some will either fight against returning, or

become depressed when it's time to go back. When the trauma of returning to the

nursing home is worse than the pleasure of a home visit, it is best to forego

the home visit.

Individuals with dementia are often confused when their routine and their

environment changes. Although they may talk often about "home," it may not be

the home you are bringing them to, even if it was their home for decades. When

dementia patients are brought to a place they no longer clearly recognize they

often become anxious and agitated. If your loved one has a dementing illness and

has adjusted to where they are now living, you are usually best to let sleeping

dogs lie.

So, when is a home visit a positive thing? When you can manage your elder's

needs, and he or she understands and accepts that the visit will be short. Many

seniors get great pleasure from sitting in their old chair for a few hours and

having a home-cooked meal unlike anything they can get at the nursing home. Even

if they are not thrilled about going back, they understand why they must, and

they go back without major upset. In time, many of our elders actually come to

regard the nursing home as "home," and they are glad to get back to their

comfortable routine even after an enjoyable visit.

If you are contemplating bringing your parent or other elder "home" for a

visit, give thought to the pro's and cons before you make a committment. If the

last visit was traumatic, review what happened. If you decide that another visit

would be equally traumatic, then opt for visiting at the nursing home

instead.

Caution: If your elder is receiving Medicaid assistance to pay nursing home

costs, be sure to check with the nursing home about how long your elder may stay

away without jeopardizing Medicaid benefits. In some cases anything more than 24

hours could cause problems.