Even if your parent has prepared written instructions in a Living Will (Directive to Physicians), you may be faced with decisions that aren't covered or where your parent's original intent is not clear.

When that happens, you will be forced to try to decide what medical treatment you think would be best for your parent and what you think your parent would want.

In order to make the best decisions you can, you will want to know as much as you can about the possible consequences of your decisions. You will want to know:

• What, exactly, is the present treatment plan?

• If a new treatment is recommended, what is its purpose?

• If my parent has suggested treatment, will it potentially improve his or her quality of life?

• How long will it take for this treatment to make a significant difference for my parent?

• If we decide not to go forward with this treatment, what will be the consequences?

• If we do decide to go forward, what are the potential problems or side effects?

• If this recommended treatment is not successful, will my parent be worse off?

• If we decide to try this treatment, will we be able to discontinue it at any time?
  

When you are talking about these difficult and often emotional decisions it is a good idea to have someone else with you if you can. Ask someone to take notes so you can focus your full attention on what is being said. Never hesitate to keep asking questions until you are certain you understand everything and you have all the information you need to make decisions. Remember that you have every right to ask for a second, and even a third opinion if you have unanswered questions or if you feel the opinion of another specialist might be helpful as you make these possibly irreversible end of life decisions.

More recommended reading on this subject:

The End-of-Life Handbook: A Compassionate Guide to Connecting with and Caring for a Dying Loved One. David B. Feldman, PhD & Stephen Andrew Lasher Jr., MD

My Mother, Your Mother: Embracing "Slow Medicine," the Compassionate Approach to Caring for Your Aging Loved Ones. Dennis McCullough, MD