Seniors are a lot less likely than we are to speak up to their doctors. "Young" doctors today (anyone under the age of 60 can be a "young" doctor to a senior) don't have the time to sit and chat the way the family doctor did several decades ago.

The doctor often feels rushed, and we can usually tell when someone wants to move on. Some older folks are reluctant to demand that their questions be answered if it means holding up the doctor. On the other hand, even when the doctor seems to have all the time in the world, quite a few older patients (younger ones, too) don't respond well to stress. They forget many of the questions they wanted to ask. So, the doctor doesn't hear about the new symptom or concern. He can't treat what he doesn't know about.

If your elder is having difficulty communicating with the doctor or other medical professionals, it's time to step in and offer to help.

This is something you can do no matter where you are. It just takes a little more creativity if you can't be right there in the examining room.

First, try not to holler. Your parent knows what he or she "should" have done. Recriminations won't help.

Be direct. Ask your parent if he or she wants you to help the next time there's a doctor's appointment. Is your parent open to having you be a part of something that's always been private in the past?

Would she like you to telephone the doctor and ask the questions that still need answers?

If the answer is "no," then unless your parent is really not competent, you have to back off and let him or her handle things. You don't have permission to meddle.

If the answer is "yes," you're halfway home.