Many of us are watching our parents grow older. Some, like me, have already lost one or both of our parents. Recently, as I was sorting through old papers, I came across letters written from France during WWI from my grandfather to my grandmother. In the same packet were a very few letters from that same grandfather to my mother, his daughter, written to her during her first year away from home at college. He died during that freshman year, and my mother had to leave school to help support the family. There was no Social Security in those days and it was deep in the depression. I know she deeply regretted all her life not having been able to finish school.

I know from talking to her through the years that she was very close to her father and loved him deeply. Reading those letters I have so many questions about him that I never thought to ask when I had the chance. If you are still fortunate enough have one or both of your parents, spend time with them and ask the questions about their past and their families that might be lost to you after they're gone. Old photographs and family trees are nice, but it's the stories behind the pictures that are sacred. Don't lose your opportunity to preserve those stories while you can. You don't need fancy memory books or video, just your ears and your heart.
 

What do safety pins and Social Security cards have in common? They both disappear with depressing regularity.

Every now and then I go searching for a safety pin. You'd think with all the pins I've bought over the years the ground would be paved with safety pins. Think I can find one when I want one? Of course not.

Go into any elderly person's purse or wallet looking for the precious Social Security card and it's the same thing. It was in that purse or wallet for 30 years, but when you need it, it's nowhere to be found. Just where do all those Social Security cards go, anyway?

We're advised now not to carry the card, but many older people are set in their ways and there's no changing things. If you still can, encourage your elder to put the card in a safe place, and make note of where that safe place is. There's no need to have the card with you day to day. If you discover that the card is nowhere to be found, now is the time to get a replacement. When you really need it you probably won't have time to waste jumping through hoops, and getting a new card takes a little time.

If you need to get a new card for yourself or your elder you will need to (surprise) complete a form. Form SS-5 is available for download on the Social Security website. You can also have one sent to you by calling 1-800-772-1213, or you can pick one up at your local Social Security office.

If you don't know where your closest local Social Security office is there is a locator on their website (above). Just type in your ZIP code.

If you download the form it MUST be printed on 8-1/2" by 11" white paper using blue or black ink. I recommend black. No fancy paper or colored inks.

With your completed application you will have to submit at least one additional "identifying" document:

Driver's license
Marriage or divorce record
Military record
Employer ID card
Adoption record
Insurance policy
Passport
Health Insurance card (not a Medicare card)
School ID card

Social Security requires that you send the original identifying document. They will return this to you. However, as some of the records on the list above are extremely difficult to replace, I suggest that you use the most easily replaceable item that you have. For instance, a driver's license may be much more replaceable than original military records. You can always get another copy of an insurance policy. You might not be able to replace marriage, divorce or adoption records.

If you need to get a replacement card please do it as soon as you can. Life is full of unexpected bumps in the road. You may need that card sooner than you anticipated.

When you raise the pitch of your voice you are signaling that you are upset or angry. Even if you aren't upset or angry, that's the impression you will give.

When you are speaking to someone who doesn't hear well try lowering the pitch (tone) of your voice. Don't lower the volume. Face the person you are talking to and speak clearly.

A person with a hearing impairment is more able to hear lower tones. It is the higher pitched sounds that are hardest to hear.

Every state has a "State Health Insurance Assistance Program" (SHIP). These programs help Medicare beneficiaries with their insurance questions and with medical insurance problems. The Internet's most complete list of SHIP web sites and links, and a list of telephone numbers for contacting SHIPs, is provided by the New York State Office for the Aging.

A family member I work with spent and hour and a quarter today in a physician's waiting room. With an 11:15 appointment she and her mother finally made it into the examining room at 12:30. The doctor, a dermatologist, flew into the room at 12:45, spent less than 2 minutes
looking at the older woman, and then sent her off to her internist for a "medication review."

The internist was the one who referred the patient to the dermatologist in the first place. He's done the medication review. Neither of these doctors is interested in speaking to the other. The first thing we're going to do is find a doctor who will spend some time with his patient and who will talk to the other members of the team. What a complete and utter waste of both time and money for both the patient and her daughter. And the poor mother still itches.

If this is the kind of treatment you are getting from any physician, primary or specialist, my advice is to start looking for a new doctor. There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of treatment, and the medicine being practiced is pretty poor, too.

As someone once said, and I love it: "MD doesn't stand for major deity."