A Caregiver's Legal
Obligations To A Parent
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As I clutched my first cup of
coffee on Saturday morning I found the
following in my email box. I've edited out
identifying information and the irrelevant
introductory stuff:
• •
• • •
I am a grad student...doing
a project on the abandonment of the elderly by
their children.
A state senator has introduced a bill to our
State Legislature which would make this
against the law with fines and/or
imprisonment. I am writing you to ask if you
know of any other places, cities, towns or
states, that are doing or have done the same
thing. Any help you could provide me on this
topic would be greatly appreciated.
• •
• • •
Well, after another couple of
cups of coffee and some electronic backing and
forthing, here is how I summarized my thoughts
about this pending legislation:
• •
• • •
I have read that several
states have un-enforced legislation on the
books about children's financial obligations
to their parents, but to my knowledge no one
has vigorously pursued "abandonment" on a
broad level. I don't think laws like this are
enforceable, but I haven't researched this in
depth.
The whole idea, frankly, scares me to death. I
don't see any way such laws can ever do what
their originators probably intended. If an
adult child does not have the authority to
enforce, there is no way that child can be
responsible for a parent. I see too many
situations where the adult child truly does
have the best interests of a parent at heart,
but the parent has other ideas.
Or, on the other side of the coin, the
children's motives are suspicious, and thank
goodness they DON'T have the authority to
enforce.
A Caregiver's Legal Obligations continued>>>
With people proposing legislation
right and left, it behooves you to take particular
care if you are managing your parent's money.
1. Keep Receipts.
If you write a check, make a note on the check about
the reason for the expenditure. If you pay cash, keep
the receipt forever or as long as your parent lives,
whichever comes first. Keep the checks as long as your
parent is alive, too.
2. Do not "blend"
your money. "Blending" your money by putting your
and your parent's money in the same bank account can
make it very difficult to prove what portion is
rightfully yours.
That can lead to all kinds of future headaches,
especially if your parent ever has to apply for benefits.
You don't pay
back your parents. You can't. The
debt you owe them gets collected by
your children, who hand it down in
turn. It's a sort of entailment. Or
if you don't have children of the
body, it's left as a debt to your
common humanity. Or to your God, if
you possess or are possessed by one.
~
Lois
McMaster Bujold
A Civil Campaign, 1999 |
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Hope the implications of all this
haven't completely worn you out. Stay with us for what
I hope will turn into a spirited discussion!
